letting go

How do you know that it is time to let go of the past and just move forward? When the pain and the memories of the past become too much to handle and they start affecting your present. Though even when you wake up one day and realize that's it, I need to move on, it's not going to be easy, but at least it's a step forward. In a way, it is similar to all the addictions, to the unhealthy life style, because holding onto the empty dreams may eventually destroy you. The first step of getting better is realizing that you actually have a problem, which is never easy. You might try thinking positively, thinking that the hope should never die, but there is a point when hoping and dreaming are just the worst decisions for you. And it may be hard to face the reality, but in order for you to get your life back together you have to sacrifice that little piece of sunshine living within you. Yes. It is hard. And I don't exactly know how to do that now. But I am taking a first baby step and at least I realize that if I ever want to get better, I have to let go of some of my dreams. Finally realizing that it will never happen usually strikes unexpectedly. And it comes with a huge amount of pain, only because you were trying to build this perfect little life inside your head and hoping that somehow and eventually it will all work out. Though deep inside you can just feel that it will never happen. That you are expecting way too much and that reality doesn't really work like that. 

For the last couple of months I was living in my own dream bubble. And it was fun to be the optimistic one for a change. Hoping for all the problems to go away; that everything will work out, dreaming that I will finally have my happy ending just because I felt like I really deserved it this time. And maybe I did. But yet again, life works in mysterious ways. I know that when the pain will fade I will realize how silly and unnecessary it was for me to torture myself like this. Even now it still hurts like hell, I am trying to let go. Trying to move forward even though I don't have a clue how should I start. But I guess I already did, by admitting to myself that I have this problem. By realizing that I have to give up. 

Everyone keeps saying that time is the best pain healer. And usually it is true. Some time has to pass if we want for problems to fade away. It won't be completely gone, but then it will definitely be easier to cope with them, to work on ourselves and it will be much easier to create new dreams and new hopes, hopefully, the more healthy ones. The ones, which are not creating more pain and confusion, which are not bringing more chaos to your life. But the ones which let you move forward, which are encouraging you to change, which are inspiring and bright. 

Saying goodbye is always hard. It doesn't really matter if you're saying that to a friend, to a loved one, to a place, a job or to a dream. It is always hard. And there is no magical secret of how to make it better. You just somehow have to find enough strength within yourself and take all the pain in. And while time is passing by, you will learn how to deal with those painful memories of those poisonous dreams you once had, and you will be able to move on. Eventually. It will all get better.

Playing: Wyclef Jean - Divine Sorrow