when life is not like a movie

That feeling when you are falling in love with the wrong person. When your heart and your mind are just not co-operating. It’s just that deep down inside you know that this feeling is just not right but there is absolutely nothing you can do to change it. Even when you’re trying to isolate yourself from that particular person just because you realize that it would be a smart step for you, just to protect yourself from getting hurt, you can’t. You end up being close to him again. As if you can’t live being apart. Even if you only can have him as a friend, it’s so much better than nothing. You finally feel that you found something special, that one feeling you’ve been looking for since as far as you can remember, but it’s just not going to work out, because world is too complicated and nothing really works out for you, ever. 

That feeling when you are falling in love. When you know that it is too late to change anything. No matter what you do, it’s too late. The feeling is too strong and despite all the rational thinking, your heart is too stuborn to listen. It feels what it wants to feel. And sometimes it makes you act stupid. But even when everything is going down the hill, in a way, you still feel happy, because being in love, in a way warms you from the inside.

That feeling when you are falling in love. When all you want to do is spend every possible second with that person. When something stupid happens all you want to do is run to him and tell him that in every possible detail. When you are feeling sad, all you need is a simple touch from that exact person to make everything better. When you see him sad, all you can think is how to make him feel better. Sadly, when you are falling in love, you forget yourself and you start putting him ahead of yourself, because he is more important from now on. 

That feeling when you are falling in love. It’s so scary to think, that it’s going to last. Because it means that the pain will last too. Just because he is the wrong person for you. When you are trying to be the best friend you can be, not because you have to or you feel obligated to be, but because it feels so natural to be with him, even as just friends. And some days are not that bad. But sometimes it hurts more than you can handle. And then your mind is all

confused because it doesn’t understand what do you want. Though you have no idea what do you want yourself.

That feeling when you are falling in love. In books and movies it’s always shown as one of the best feelings. But it’s absolutely different when the person is not right. When no matter what you’re going to do, the ending will not be a happy one. No matter how things will end up, all you’re gonna be left is pain.  Either you will loose a friend eventually, because the pain and the confusion will get too much or you will have a friend, but every time you will look in his eyes, you’ll be wondering how different things could have been between you two. 

That feeling when you are falling in love. No happy ending. No actual love. That’s how it feels. 

Playing: Birdy - Words As Weapons